If you have never experienced the awesomeness of Colorado, you should seriously consider planning a trip here. There is no other place on earth like it. To prepare you for your journey, I have compiled a short list of terms you should be familiar with so that you will know when you are being insulted by the natives. And hey, if you are called any of the silly names listed below, please don’t take it personally. It’s all in good fun. Coloradoans are generally laid back and just like to enjoy life. Also, if you think of any good insults to defend yourselves against the natives with, feel free to post them here in the comments … Remember, it’s all in good fun : )
Gaper: A person who is prone to falling on the ice, blanking out in the midst of conversation, and otherwise not paying attention to what they are doing because they are enthralled by the breathtaking scenery around them. (Literally translation is one who gapes at Colorado.) This is meant to be a derogatory term; however, I am as proud to be a gaper as I am to be a dork — it means I haven’t started taking the beauty that surrounds me for granted and that Colorado still inspires me with wonder.
Citiot: A clueless flatlander who continually backs up traffic in the mountains, gets altitude sickness, and complains of being cold a lot. To avoid standing out and being ridiculed, citiots should take turns driving so that one person can look at the scenery while the other watches the road, drink buckets and buckets of water and take their time adjusting to altitude changes, and dress in synthetic layers year-round.
Texass: One of the billions (okay, not billions, but there are a lot) of Texans who has committed the atrocity of bringing their traditions to Colorado with them when they come to visit, and sometimes (heaven forbid) live here. Common offenses committed by a Texass include insisting on “real” barbecue (i.e. Texas style with smoke sauce), driving huge environmentally offensive vehicles, wearing lots of makeup and big hairstyles while exploring the outdoors, and constantly referring to how great everything is back in Texas. Every group of natives in this country has its own derogatory term for the tourists that flock in prolific numbers from a single state in order to enjoy the bounty of the natives’ land (and pour lots of money into the natives’ economy, ahem. Should we be showing a little more appreciation towards each other, people?) In North Carolina, there were Floridiots. And in upstate New York, a friend from there tells me, there are Massholes. Again, I say, shouldn’t we be showing each other a little more appreciation?
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Christy Correll founded Denverish shortly after ridding herself of most of her possessions, quitting her job, & moving halfway across the country to live in the capital city of Colorado. Texan by birth, Christy is no stranger to the Wild West. However, Colorado has a very strong sense of place that distinguishes it from other Western states. Join Christy and her sheltie, Scout, in exploring their new home. Along the way you will encounter many wonderful things — and a few peculiarities — that cannot be found anywhere else on earth.
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